You're completely useless in the revolution.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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