there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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