"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
