ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
