When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
These tits shall not be calmed
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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