I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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