my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize