Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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