I love black thongs
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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