Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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