That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
