You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
