Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
