i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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