now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize