He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
