He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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