Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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