I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize