That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize
