he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
