So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Randomize
