I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
