he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
