when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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