at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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