That's when you crack a 10am beer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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