Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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