He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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