So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
