So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
