if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
