I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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