I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
