If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
