There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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