So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
did i just pee glitter
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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