what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
