First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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