I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Randomize
