he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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