So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Im part way to drunk.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize