id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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