I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
