her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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