I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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