I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
