I think im going to throw up on grandma
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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