awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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