she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
