How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
