It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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