I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
