just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
