ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize