I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
