Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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