It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize