What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
