The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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