woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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