let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
