Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
