Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
