Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Lo siento on account of my penis...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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