You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
