Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
