The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
