Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
