i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
