Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
