When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My vagina just recognized that song.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
