the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
