btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
