It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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