im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
