i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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