Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
