you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
