I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
