Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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